January 3rd, 2021
I haven't written a letter in awhile to you, it’s not that I haven't wanted to! I absolutely have! I just haven't felt very creative recently, I don’t know why. Expressing myself seems so hard in these letters now? I feel very very close to you in person though, so maybe I just don’t find these letters as important? Even though they most definitely are.
I think the last time I wrote was the day before Halloween, which makes sense. We went to the Halloween party and you were an incredibly sexy pirate. It took a lot of willpower to not want to just make out with you the entire night, your being was just radiant. After the party we had a cute little Friendsgiving with some friends and you brought us all pizza, I nearly fell asleep on your lap. We went on an adventure to Santa Barbara and took a shot together while standing on a graffitied metal thing, with the sun shining on your face and your eyes sparkling brighter then I’d ever seen them.
We celebrated Christmas and I was able to give you your gift! I know this year has been tough and I know how much you value your alone time, so I got you a spa day gift! I really really hope you liked it, I worked super hard on it and could barely contain my joy when you finally opened it up. You got me a knife I have yet to receive and a beautiful butterfly mood changing necklace. I’ve only taken it off to shower, it’s stunning and I want to wear it forever, I’m really grateful you spent the time and got me something.
And fiiiinnnallly, we celebrated New Years together, you were my NYE kiss, my NYE shot, my NYE everything. The night was amazing and a great way to end the year, thank you for being by my side throughout it all. In between we also have continued to play the Mass Effect games, we’re finally on game three with Tedward. Playing those games with you and listening to you explain every little detail of the game that you find fascinating has honestly made my heart melt and I think I love you more than ever.
Watching your favorite movies has been just as cute, you love infodumping and jokes on you. I love listening to it. I’ve been really just enjoying your company and your cuddles and everything about you. I’ve mentioned this a few times already in person, but spending nights with you, happy and sober, has made me over the moon ecstatic. I remember all of our hangouts, and everything we do. Your face has never been more clear in my brain, and I love it.
Also! You’ve been getting a lot more into art and I love it so much!!! You drew this → isn’t it great? I have a few others of yours (-: I wanna make this journal as gay and as sappy as possible, so collecting some of your art makes me really happy. You’re super talented and I cannot wait to see more of onion wife and when you feel more confident in your art, maybe the legend zero himself?
Of course theres still the anxiety of the unknown. Am I fucking myself over by falling in love so willingly with my FWB (and ex) or is this actually going to be good? I’m worried it’s all one sided, and you just view me as a really close friend you can fuck, because I mean, that’s what we are. It’s easy to get in my own head when our lines are so unclear. It’s easier to convince myself(?) that you feel the same way though when I’m in your prescience.
I notice you accidentally calling me babe, though maybe it’s just an old habit. You told me one night while lying in bed that I made you really happy, and thanked me for everything. I could hear the smile in your voice and it was so sweet. You look at me with sparkling eyes, and I know I openly look at you lovingly. You’re not an idiot, you have to know how I feel right? Oh well, I’ll say something sooner than later.
If we can make it to a one year of us having nothing but a good and happy time together as friends, then maybe it means that we can have a happy relationship? If I’m in a new house and more settled down by then, then I’ll address it. I can do it. Ironically our one year of us talking again is — yeah. July 15th, a day after, well. You know. Time is weird haha.
Anyways! Going into the new year with you by my side has been amazing and having you here with me, in whatever way, makes me so happy. I’m so grateful for who you are and how amazing you are. And I’m so very lucky that you choose to waste your time with a dumbass like me. Like bro, there’s models out there and you could be with any of them, and you still willingly hang out with me? Wack, you must have a screw loose in your head, but nonetheless I appreciate you very much and you have been my favorite part of 2020 :)
— — — OH GOD DO WE CELEBRATE V DAY TOGETHER??? I MEAN I SWALLOW YOUR CUM SHOULD WE HAVE A DINNER OR??? IS THAT TOO ROMANTIC, FUCK gonna go overthink BC WHAT — — —