A Confession

Sunday, June 28th, 2020

Well, lets ignore my past letter because tonight I have become confident of something.

I am still hopelessly in love with you.

Our silents laughs as we hold each other, unable to breathe, cheeks hurting from smiling too hard. I’m scared though, can you see the adoration in my eyes?

My hands reach out to hold you, but stop, if you knew I cared for you more than a friend, would you leave?

You kiss my collarbone tenderly and my entire body lights on fire.

When we touch, we are an explosion of fiery passion. We only pull away to rip our clothes off, even closer upon returning, selfishly unaware of the pain we might cause.

I thought I saw it in your eyes this morning, when you showed up to my house at 1 in the morning, you smiled and pulled me closer into an embrace but

Before you pulled me in, our eyes locked and I could have sworn you stared at me with nothing but pure admiration, and love radiated from your very being…or am I simply self projecting?

You held me throughout the morning, kissing my cheek, rubbing my back, holding my hand…it really felt like we were more than what we say we are.

Can we pretend for one more night that I’m not wrong for you?

Can we still dream of a grander oblivion?

I want to whisper I love you to your beating chest, but I can’t.

Would you scowl and tell me this in unhealthy? Would you roll your eyes and push me away? Would you sit up wordlessly, get dressed, and leave?

Would you never come back?

It’s a silent understanding we have, an unspoken bond.

We cannot be together.

If I told you I loved you, my words would cut through the silence and shatter the illusion we have ourselves deluded in.

Our existence is so fragile. Our heart strings are intertwined.

With three words, everything would come crashing down around us. I’m not ready to take that chance, not yet.

Not now, when what we have is so nice. To hold you as we sleepily watch the sunrise, to kiss you in the morning light.

So for now, I’ll keep my not so little secret. Let’s just enjoy ourselves, and pretend like I’m not still so stupidly in love with you